Love, Lies, and Loss: The Hidden Reality of Romance Scams

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Romance scams are among the most emotionally damaging forms of fraud, combining financial exploitation with deep psychological manipulation. According to third-party reports and victim accounts, scammers exploit trust, affection, and vulnerability, often leaving long-lasting emotional, financial, and reputational harm.

How Romance Scams Begin

Older adults are disproportionately impacted by romance scams. Many stories of romance scams involve older adults who have developed a long-term online relationship with someone who claims to be a soldier, contractor, or engineer stationed overseas. These stories frequently involve the request for funds to address an emergency, travel arrangements, or financial difficulties.

Escalation Into Financial and Identity Abuse

In the event of romance scams being reported to law enforcement by family members, many victims continue to support the person who scammed them. Victims will often reject evidence that indicates their relationship with the scammer is false, and fail to separate themselves from the family members who have been trying to warn them. Even after being presented with evidence that clearly establishes the scammer has multiple usernames, different physical characteristics, and that the individual on the video call is different from the individual who sent them the initial scam email, many victims will choose to ignore the evidence and remain committed to their relationship. Because of this commitment to the scammer, any intervention to assist the victim is extremely challenging.

Elderly Victims and Family Impact

Romance scams have an unequal impact on older individuals. Many websites detail how elderly victims find long-term relationships through the internet with individuals pretending to be military members, engineers, or contractors in remote areas. Many cases of romance scams stem from requests for money involving emergencies, travel, and/or financial difficulties.

Victims, when reported by family members, may become adamant about defending the perpetrator and deny evidence presented and reject any connection with the victim(s). Even when shown evidence that proves otherwise (e.g., phony profiles, differing identities, etc.), emotional attachment often overwhelms logic and thus creates severe difficulties for the family to intervene in an extraordinarily difficult situation.

Alert indicators that you should recognize include:

The ability to form an emotional connection rapidly.
Requesting monetary assistance, gifts, or some other type of financial assistance.
Saying that they are located in another country or cannot meet with you in person.
Not being willing to video chat regularly.
Feeling pushed to remove your discussions from open chat applications.
Reacting defensively when you question their actions.

Final Thoughts

Romantic Fraud perpetrated on an individual can lead to serious personal losses: investment losses, loss of personal relationships and employment opportunities, as well as considerable emotional damage. Therefore, individuals need education regarding romantic fraud, including the urgency of early detection, the means of communicating concerns with family members about potential scams affecting loved ones, and the means of supporting relatives in recovering emotionally from being the victim of romantic fraud through love, compassion, patience, and encouragement to seek outside professional assistance whenever needed.

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